i have a growing fascination with dean being more divine than anybody assumes, partially because of the contradiction it presents wrt his supposed role on the show. the narrative frames him as entirely human, so human it hurts, and so on. he’s the natural to sam’s supernatural. he’s the sexually charged id to sam’s ego, the instinct to sam’s intellect. he’s the man with no special powers but his ability to wield and gun and pull the trigger. and then in seasons 4 and 5 he’s the human rebel to the heavenly sith empire, his primary objectives being free will and choice for everybody. everybody except himself, that is.
because i question how much choice he really has, especially lately given how dean still doesn’t see where happiness fits into his life. he sees where it fits into sam’s, like a little kid planning their future dean has his “perfect ending” all laid out, and it happens to be domestic happiness for sam. but dean’s “perfect ending” for himself in season 8 is to die like the grunt he believes he is. that isn’t a choice. that is the resignation of a desperate man who sees no other options. dean’s “choice” is to be there when his family and friends need him, and then to cease existing or fade into the background when they no longer do.
and it’s telling how much of dean’s psyche and emotional arcs revolves around his ability (and inability) to save people, to be the hero, the tool, the puppet that his loved ones need him to be. his main arc starts with him sacrificing his soul for sam’s salvation, and it ends with him sacrificing his body to lucifer in sam for everybody’s salvation but sam’s. his main arc with cas starts with him being indentured to the angel for rescuing him from hell, and as of season 9 it appears as though it’s now dean is extending forgiveness and salvation to castiel instead.
everyone else’s hardships primarily come from without. they come from the protagonists battling antagonists. sam’s come from being tainted by azazel, tempted by ruby, and tormented by lucifer. it leaves him feeling guilty, inhuman, weak, dirty. castiel’s come from his growing disenchantment, rejection, and attempted usurping of heaven. it leaves him feeling lost, unwanted, rejected, and repentent.
dean’s, otoh, primarily come from within. his battles are battles fought against himself or against other protagonists, with people he loves dearly but people who leave him feeling empty, pointless, inadequate on a fairly regular basis. but they are also people he can’t afford to let go of because without them, he will be nothing. a large part of dean’s existence is built on his relationships with others, about how useful of an instrument he can be to them. “i need you” he begs on his knees because it’s the truest thing about him, it’s bare honesty and it’s selfish and wholly unselfish at the same time. to dean’s psyche, dean needs people in order to exist. “there ain’t no me if there ain’t no you”. dean doesn’t believe in his own personhood, axiomatically so.
he continuously allows no possibility for his own selfhood outside of his relationships to other people, but he will scrap tooth and nail for the personhood of others.
it’s almost as though unless the people he cares about believe in dean, unless there’s someone there to validate dean’s existence by allowing him to be something to them, by allowing him to care for them, be their salvation, be their deity, dean is a non-person. a martyr is only remembered by others. a god is only as powerful as their following.
dean is presented as one thing by the narrative — macho, rash, lascivious, aggressive, in charge, human — but the layers peeled back reveal him to be a complete contradiction of the persona he keeps up. he’s soft, sensitive, gentle, loyal to a fault, obedient, frightened. he’s a bundle of juxtapositions in a denim-and-leather package. and his humanity is possibly one of the most contradictory things about him. his wellspring of affection is bottomless. his ability to forgive is second to none. he offers salvation to everybody but himself to those who feel they deserve it the least. he shines hope when all hope is lost. he is painfully, numbingly human but he also hallowed, sanctified, in his unbelievable capacity to love.
blogs: 50% supernatural.
